Frequently Asked Questions

Domestic Violence Related Questions:

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What is Domestic Violence?

Domestic violence is not “an isolated incident,” “a lovers’ quarrel” or “a private family matter.” It is a pattern of coercive and controlling behaviors that one person in an intimate relationship uses against another. Every relationship has ups and downs, but domestic violence includes repeated behaviors with the aim of coercion and control. People who use violence try to control aspects of a partner’s life through fear, threats, manipulation, and other tactics. Sometimes–but not always–people use physical and/or sexual violence as a way to dominate an intimate partner.

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How do I know if I’m in an unhealthy relationship?

Recognizing if you are in an unhealthy relationship can be challenging, but some signs to watch for include:

1. Lack of trust and respect

2. Constant criticism or belittling

3. Controlling behavior

4. Isolation from friends and family

5. Emotional manipulation or abuse

6. Physical violence or threats

7. Feeling afraid or unsafe

If you're unsure, consider talking to a professional or reaching out to WRAP for support and guidance.

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What should I do if I feel like I’m in danger?

If you feel like you are in immediate danger, prioritize your safety. Call 911 or your local emergency number. Reach out to WRAP's 24/7 helpline at 800-273-8712 for immediate support and safety planning. Consider finding a safe place away from the danger, such as a trusted friend's house or a public place. Trust your instincts and seek help as soon as possible. Your safety is our priority, and we are here to support you. Download our Safety Planning Checklist for additional information.

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Is it safe to go to a neighbor or relative’s house when deciding what to do?

Seeking refuge at a neighbor or relative's house can be a potential option for immediate safety; however, it's essential to assess the situation carefully. Here are a few factors to consider:

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• Trust and Safety: Ensure that the neighbor or relative is someone you trust and feel safe with. Consider their ability to maintain confidentiality and provide support during this challenging time.

• Perpetrator's Knowledge: Assess whether the abuser is aware of your connection to the neighbor or relative. If there is a risk of the abuser finding you or escalating the situation, it might be safer to explore alternative options, such as a confidential shelter.

• Boundaries and Consent: Communicate your needs and concerns with the neighbor or relative clearly. Obtain their consent before seeking temporary refuge in their home to respect their boundaries.

• Safety Plan: Create a safety plan in collaboration with a trusted organization like WRAP. They can help assess the risks and provide guidance on the safest course of action, including finding secure shelter options.

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Remember, each situation is unique, and what works for one person may not be appropriate for another. It's crucial to prioritize your safety and consult with professionals who specialize in domestic violence support to make informed decisions. Download our safety planning checklist for more information.

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What if I’m NOT ready to leave my home and/or my partner?

We understand that every survivor's situation is unique, and the decision to leave an abusive relationship is deeply personal and complex. WRAP is here to support you regardless of your readiness to leave. Our advocates can provide confidential support, safety planning, resources, and information to help you navigate your circumstances and make choices that prioritize your safety and well-being. You are not alone, and we are here to support you whenever you are ready to take the next step. Review this safety planning checklist for more details.

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What help is available through WRAP if I’m ready to leave my abuser?

If you are ready to leave your abuser, WRAP provides comprehensive support and resources to help you through this transition. Our services include safety planning, emergency shelter placement, legal advocacy, counseling, and assistance with accessing community resources. Contact us to speak with an advocate who can guide you through the process and provide personalized support. Also, download our Safety Planning Checklist. 

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I’m planning to leave my abusive partner. How do I prepare to get out?

Preparing to leave an abusive partner requires careful planning. Here are some steps you can take:

• Create a safety plan: Develop a plan to ensure your safety and the safety of your children. This may include identifying a safe place to go, packing essential items, and having important documents ready.

• Reach out for support: Contact WRAP to speak with an advocate who can provide guidance, resources, and emotional support as you navigate this process.

• Secure your financial independence: Start saving money if possible, open a separate bank account, and gather important financial documents.

• Document evidence: Keep records of any incidents of abuse, including dates, times, and descriptions. Take photos of injuries, damaged property, or threatening messages.

• Inform trusted individuals: Share your situation with a few trusted family members or friends who can provide support and assistance when needed.

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Remember, each situation is unique, and it's important to tailor your plan to your specific circumstances. Our advocates are here to help you every step of the way. Contact WRAP for help with safety planning and download our Safety Planning Checklist for more support.

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What are the most important documents and items I should bring with me?

When fleeing an abusive relationship, it's essential to prioritize your safety and gather critical documents and items. Consider taking the following items with you:

1. Identification documents: ID, driver's license, passport, social security card, birth certificates for you and your children.

2. Financial documents: Credit cards, bank account information, checkbooks, pay stubs, and any important financial records.

3. Legal documents: Copies of any restraining orders, protection orders, custody orders, and divorce papers.

4. Health documents: Medical records, prescription medications, and health insurance information.

5. Phone and charger: Ensure you have a functioning phone to stay connected and call for help if needed.

6. Personal items: Personal hygiene products, a change of clothes, and any sentimental or irreplaceable items.

7. Emergency cash: Have some cash on hand for immediate needs.

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Remember, safety is paramount, and it's essential to trust your instincts. If you cannot gather all the items immediately, focus on getting to a safe location and reach out to WRAP for support and resources. We are here to help you every step of the way. Download our Safety Planning Checklist for more information. Your emotional safety is also important. Download our Emotional Safety Plan.

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Does WRAP have a shelter?

Yes, WRAP provides residential services for individuals and families fleeing domestic violence. We have safe and secure safe homes where survivors can find refuge and receive comprehensive support. Our safe homes offer a supportive and confidential environment, where survivors can access essential resources, counseling, advocacy, and assistance in planning for their future. If you are in need of shelter, please contact our helpline or reach out to us, and we will guide you through the process of accessing our shelter services. Your safety and well-being are our top priorities.

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I was abused a long time ago but I’m still struggling to process what happened. Can WRAP help me? 

Absolutely. WRAP is here to support survivors at any stage of their healing journey, even if the abuse occurred in the past. We understand that the effects of trauma can be long-lasting, and our trained professionals are experienced in providing compassionate assistance to individuals who are still struggling to process their past experiences. We offer counseling services, support groups, and resources tailored to your specific needs, helping you find healing, empowerment, and a path towards recovery. You don't have to face this alone - WRAP is here to help you reclaim your life and find hope for the future.

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What are some red flags I need to look out for in a relationship? 

Recognizing red flags in a relationship is crucial for identifying potential abusive or unhealthy dynamics. Here are some common red flags to be aware of:

• Jealousy and possessiveness: Excessive jealousy, constant accusations, and attempts to control your interactions with others are warning signs.

• Controlling behavior: A partner who isolates you from friends and family, monitors your activities, or dictates what you can wear or do may exhibit controlling tendencies.

• Verbal or emotional abuse: Frequent insults, demeaning language, belittling, or manipulating your emotions are signs of emotional abuse.

• Physical aggression or threats: Any form of physical violence, whether hitting, pushing, or threats of harm, should never be tolerated.

• Unpredictable mood swings: Drastic and unpredictable mood shifts, especially coupled with explosive anger, can indicate potential abusive behavior.

• Disrespect for boundaries: Disregarding your boundaries, privacy, or personal space is a violation of trust and a red flag.

• Gaslighting: Manipulating your perception of reality, making you doubt your sanity, or downplaying their harmful actions are manipulative tactics known as gaslighting.

• Isolation from support systems: Intentionally isolating you from friends, family, or support networks can be a tactic used to gain control and power over you.

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Remember, one red flag does not necessarily indicate an abusive relationship, but multiple or consistent signs should not be ignored. If you are experiencing any of these red flags or have concerns about a relationship, it is essential to reach out for support and guidance from organizations like WRAP, who can provide assistance and resources. Download our guide to Red Flags.

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I have family/friends in West Tennessee and I am fleeing an abusive relationship. Can WRAP help me get to the area to be with them?

If you need to reach West Tennessee to be with your family or friends for safety, WRAP advocates are here to assist you. Our dedicated team can help you with safety planning, provide valuable resource connections, and offer emotional support throughout your journey. While our safe home services may be an option, availability and program criteria apply. Please note that currently, WRAP does not have the funding to provide transportation assistance to our area. However, our advocates can help connect you with agencies in the area you are fleeing from, who may be able to assist you in reaching West Tennessee. Your safety and well-being are our top priorities, and we will do our best to guide and support you during this challenging time.

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I live in West Tennessee and need to flee an abusive relationship. Can WRAP help me leave the area to be with family/friends?

At WRAP, your safety is our top priority. Our dedicated advocates are here to support you in developing a comprehensive safety plan, considering both short-term and long-term solutions. If it is determined that leaving the area is the best course of action for your safety, WRAP may be able to provide assistance to help you reach a place of longer-term safety. Our team is committed to helping you navigate this difficult situation and find the support you need.

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I have an active case with DCS. What can WRAP do for me?

WRAP can provide support and advocacy to individuals involved in cases with the Department of Children's Services (DCS) through our DCS Liaison Program. Our advocates can help you navigate the DCS process, understand your rights, and provide emotional support throughout the case. We can also connect you with additional resources and services to ensure the well-being and safety of you and your children. Our goal is to support you during this challenging time and help you access the assistance you need. Contact our DCS WRAP Liaison, Justis Mashburn, for more information.

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My abuser tracks my phone calls and texts. I’m scared to call. What should I do? 

Your safety is our top priority. If you're concerned about your communication being monitored, it's important to take precautions to protect yourself. Consider using a safer method of communication, such as using a friend's or trusted person's phone, a public phone, or a computer at a safe location like a library. You can also reach out to WRAP through our Facebook page or email us directly through our website, which can provide a more discreet way to connect with us. We are here to support you and will work with you to find the safest and most appropriate means of communication. Read about Mobile Apps for victims, different forms of electronic abuse, and other ways to protect yourself from electronic abuse.

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I’m worried about my children. They weren’t abused, but I know that they heard the abuse. Can WRAP help them?

WRAP recognizes the impact of witnessing domestic violence on children and the importance of addressing their needs. Our program provides support and resources for children who have been exposed to domestic violence. We believe in the importance of addressing the effects of domestic violence on the entire family, including children who have witnessed the abuse.

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If I’m in an abusive relationship and have children, will WRAP call DCS on me?

WRAP's primary focus is on supporting and empowering survivors of domestic violence. Our goal is to provide resources, safety planning, and emotional support to help individuals in abusive relationships make informed decisions about their well-being and the well-being of their children. We do not report individuals to child protective services (DCS) without their consent, unless there is an immediate risk of harm to a child. We prioritize confidentiality and respect your right to make choices that are best for you and your family.

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I feel embarrassed because I stayed in an unhealthy relationship. I feel like it’s my fault and I should have done something sooner. How can WRAP help me? 

At WRAP, we understand that each survivor's journey is unique, and we are here to support you without judgment. Our advocates can provide a safe and supportive space for you to express your feelings and concerns. We can help you understand the dynamics of abuse, process your experiences, and work towards healing and rebuilding your life. Remember, you are not alone, and we are here to support you every step of the way.

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My abuser was arrested after assaulting me, but I don’t want them to go to jail. Will I be arrested if I don’t show up to court?

As a victim, you are not responsible for the abuser's legal actions. You won't be arrested for not showing up to court; it's your choice to participate in legal proceedings. WRAP can provide support and resources during this process. This does not constitute legal advice. Please seek legal assistance for specific guidance.

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Is domestic violence really a problem in West Tennessee? 

Yes, domestic violence is a significant issue in West Tennessee, as it is in many other regions. According to the TBI's annual Crime in Tennessee report, nearly 50% of all reported crimes against persons in West TN involve some form of domestic or sexual violence. WRAP is here to provide support, resources, and services to those affected by domestic violence in our community.

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Why do people stay in an unhealthy relationship? 

Seeing your friend or loved one mistreated can make you feel very frustrated, not only at the person who is violent, but also at the loved one for not leaving. There are many reasons that a person decides to return to or stay in an abusive relationship. People often:

• Fear for their lives and are terrified that their partner will become more violent if they leave. In fact,  the most dangerous time for a person is when they try to leave.

• Have limited financial resources to break away and believe they cannot make it on their own. 

• Believe the situation is their fault.

• Fear that their partner will get custody of the children. 

A person experiencing violence may want the violence to end, but not the relationship. People who abuse are not violent all the time. They often can come across charming  and romantic in between episodes of violence. For more information about how you can help a survivor, download our bystander guide.

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What should I do if someone I know is experiencing domestic violence?

If someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, it's important to take their situation seriously and offer support. Here are some steps you can take:

• Listen and believe them: Provide a non-judgmental and supportive space for them to share their experiences. Let them know that you believe them and that you are there to support them.

• Offer resources: Share information about WRAP and other local organizations that provide assistance to survivors of domestic violence. Encourage them to reach out for help and let them know they are not alone.

• Safety planning: Help them develop a safety plan that outlines steps to enhance their safety, such as identifying safe places to go, creating a code word for emergencies, and documenting incidents of abuse.

• Encourage professional help: Suggest that they seek support from professionals, such as counselors, therapists, or advocates who specialize in domestic violence.

• Respect their decisions: Remember that leaving an abusive relationship can be a complex and challenging process. Respect their autonomy and support them in making decisions that are best for their safety and well-being.

• Keep their confidentiality: Maintain their privacy and confidentiality unless they give you permission to share their situation. Respecting their trust is crucial in supporting them effectively.

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Remember, domestic violence is a serious issue, and professional assistance can be invaluable. Encourage the person to reach out to WRAP or other local organizations for comprehensive support. Download our bystander intervention guide for more information.

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There is someone at my workplace / someone I know who is currently in danger and they are with me right now. How can WRAP help them?

If someone is currently in immediate danger and with you, we encourage you to prioritize their safety and well-being, which may mean calling 911 for them. You can assist them by offering support and reassurance. If they are comfortable, you can suggest contacting WRAP on their behalf to explore available options and resources. They will need to give verbal permission to the WRAP advocate to allow you to speak on their behalf. Our advocates are trained to provide guidance and assistance in crisis situations and can help assess the best course of action for their safety. Download our bystander guide for ways to help.

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